Supersize My Spirit, NOT ME!

Today, I was sitting on the couch after a day of the things we ALL do: email, follow up, planning out work projects, tweeting, FB ing, and in general working my mind into a LATHER as my body sat as inert as Joan Rivers’ forehead. Then the voice started…go upstairs and put on your shoes before it gets dark. You can’t play deaf or stupid when the noise is inside your head…I went for a hard thirty-five minute run during which all I did was think about what I was going to eat. Counterproductive? Not a chance!

I lost thirty pounds a few years ago and have kept most of them off; I have kept most of the WEIGHT of as well. There is a difference between weight and pounds. You must get rid of one before the other will be gone forever. Weight is about stuck energy; shame, guilt, repression and resentments. Think of this next time you refer to something as your guilty pleasure. Now, I think of food as a friend and ally that I have a great HEALTHY relationship with. As I ran, the thought of baked sweet potato “fries” with light garlic dip helped me pick up speed. I used to think about grating orange zest on to salmon steaks as I spun around my stripper pole (sadly, it came down when I moved).

It took me many years and a lot of hypnotherapy to get over the inculcation of my well intentioned obese, and HUGELY loving Latino parents. At some point when we all know each other a little better, I’ll tell the sordid tale of my first Weight Watchers meeting, Halloween night of 6th grade, but for now, it saddens me to see thin, seemingly normal white folks effen up their kids! (Channeling my inner Seinfeld) WHAT is the deal with parent’s giving their kids LAKES of sugary, caffeinated sometimes carbonated beverages in GIANT plastic receptacles and then labeling them everything from ADD to special needs?!

Picture 1- Clearly this child’s parents care about his spiritual well being and follow dietary guidelines- but he is a DOUBLE giant cup drinker! WHY?! What is in them? Unless it is water, lemonade with light sugar or way watered down juice why all the liquid? Is he about to wander for 40 days near Bakersfield?

I am not against Pepsi, Coke or Starbucks (although I am afraid of Mountain Dew as it seems like the OG energy drink of the illiterate), but these are little people. You wouldn’t take them to a scary R movie, why the horrifying treats?

I get the concept of culinary bribery; birthday cake was my kiddie opiate, but no one told me to SIT STILL! After it was ingested, I was thrown in the backyard with the other wild icing addicts until I came down from my high! I’m not able to shake the belief that food is the most powerful medicine we ingest and we have control over it all day everyday. Sure, it’s fun to give my nieces candy canes and bongo drums on Christmas to get even with my PC, SF dwelling brother, however I know 360 or so days a year, he is on it with them; no fast food, lot’s of FACE TIME. Maybe that’s a good mantra- Less express, more expression!

Picture 2- This beautiful little angel looks like she is struggling to hold up this massive plastic jug. What can a preadolescence of drinking Mountain Dew in this thing hold? Amped up speeches at the meetings of Future Gluttons of America, that’s what!

The therapy helped me ramp down the belief that bigger portions meant more love and lot’s of sugary, fatty flavor was more deeply satisfying. My lack of satisfaction and feelings of loneliness were only kept at bay for those brief moments between spoon in and hitting the bottom of…fill in the blank. I am risking sounding mean and that is OK with me right now. Whenever I see specials on childhood obesity and the skinny TV personality goes to a particular child’s home, 9 times out of 10, the PARENTS are huge if there are two and if it is a single mom, it appears she is eating for two! Picture 3 shows and AVERAGE stomach- and a cup that will fill it in ONE FELL SWOOP. At what point is a well meaning, but clearly out of control parent put in the hot seat? Will feeding your kid from the same trough (or silo sized cup) ever constitute abuse? I know there have been cases that have bordered on this. I am not the first to raise the question, but feel it needs to be raised until the last little tub of lard walks home to be comforted by Mommy in a mumu hands him a bucket of sugar and guar gum.

I am no longer a “size queen” and it is a good thing as things just keep getting bigger! I ask for the medium at Pinkberry and the grande at the aforementioned coffee giant. Unlike Oliver the orphan, I can ALWAYS get more.